The Botox Plot

Kidman in Golden Compass

Cine Yelmo Ideal
Calle Dr. Cortezo, 6
Metro Sol/Tirso de Molina
schedule

Walking into the Golden Compass, I have to admit that my
primary concern wasn’t the debate over the anti-Catholic content, its translation
into film or the caliber of acting. No, as I stepped into the cinema, my
concern was, “Can Nicole Kidman still move her face or has she Botoxed herself
into an infantile state of expressionless stares?”

I realize this may not be the most profound of issues, but
on the other hand it isn’t irrelevant.
From a certain point of view her job is to… move her face, so reversing
that ability certainly does seem to be a strange career move, no? One might even liken it to something as
absurd as a boxer taking an anti-violent stance.

As the movie started, I quickly forgot about my fleeting obsession
and settled in. The opening was
intriguing – the narrator, in mystical tones, spoke of multiple simultaneous
universes, traveling between them and then… the film sort of stared at you with
an expressionless face for two hours. It
was the “boxing match minus the fighting” effect mentioned before.

Now, given the acclaimed novels, the top-notch actors, and
the experienced direction, you might wonder what could have possible gone
wrong. I was perplexed as to why I
wasn’t the least bit engaged. In
addition to the above-mentioned virtues, the film also had the quintessential
elements of any mythical saga: good versus evil, sweeping battle scenes, and lots
of other-worldly magic. So what exactly was
missing?

Simply put: it was a matter of dramatic tension – and, don’t
worry, I am not going to launch into some esoteric theory, just basic storyline
stuff. At every point when you would
expect dramatic tension to be heightened, the film simply flatlines.

When Lyra (Dakota Blue Richards) is presented with clairvoyance-enabling
Golden Compass, an instrument that is infamously difficult to use, she figures
it out immediately. Couldn’t there have
been a struggle? A comic mishap? No, not in this film.

When we see the kidnapped children hidden away in the
far-north tundra region, are they being abused?
Mistreated? No, they are sitting in nice clean classrooms writing
letters to their parents. True, their
captors have malevolent plans for them, but the images certainly don’t leave
our hearts racing as we wait for the inevitable rescue.

And when a sinister-looking witch suddenly materializes
before our young protagonist does she fret? No, they simple begin talking. Um, even it was a “good witch” wouldn’t it
have been suspenseful to let us think, even for a couple of seconds, that it
was a perilous situation? Once again, no.

Strangely enough, these anti-climactic scenes are the rule
not the exception.

As I say, battle scenes come and go and this viewer remained
remarkably unengaged – and for someone who actually teared up during “The Lion,
the Witch, and the Wardrobe”, that’s really saying something.

And speaking of said film, that brings me to a final
point. The Golden Compass feels like a
hybrid between Harry Potter and the Chronicles of Narnia. As always, the copy is less inspired. In this case, it feels like the director Chris
Weitz took the project on as a mandatory assignment and not a heartfelt project. The characters monotonously march through the
plot instead of actually living it.

So in the end, I never came to a conclusion about the state
of Kidman’s facial mobility – her calculating, icy character has little need
for expression. Strangely enough this
sort of dead-pan gaze, however, does function as a perfect metaphor for the
film.

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