Santa-Gate Rocks Spain!

Has Santa exploited his elves? Illegally doped his reindeer? And spoilt the environment? According to a current anti-Santa campaign,
he has done all of this and more. The
list of accusations continues: ties to the Romanian mafia, racism, and even
drunken driving.

In an unprecedented explosion of anti-Claus-focused media,
the situation looks grim for the icon formerly known as “the Jolly Old Man”.

The new wave of of reporting has broken with journalistic decorum of the past. The Claus family has always benefited from a privileged
relationship with the media – reporters don’t pry too deeply and, in turn,
they receive access to all of the seasonal photo ops and press
conferences. The agreement, originally
struck during the nascent years of capitalism, was seen as protection for an
“important and necessary, but fragile system”.

In Madrid
the situation has heated up as this newly-found freedom of speech inspires
action. Crowds gathered outside the
Finnish Embassy to demand the closing of Santa’s toy factory on the grounds
that it is “contaminating” the pristine northern region.

Claus officials awkwardly argued that going carbon-neutral
at this point would put them at an economic disadvantage with countries like China.

The campaign to release the country from its long-standing
media gag rule is headed by the Spanish media group, La Despensa. This flurry of anti-Santa material comes complete
with musical videos featuring a decisively modern set of Three Kings rapping their
grievances against the system and culminates with a staged killing of Father
Christmas, himself.

Never have such charges been made publicly. Many are asking if we could we be witnessing
the end of an era?

“I wouldn’t be surprised,” says Pablo Gonzalez, head of “Informa” a
leading media think tank. “In recent
years, the public has grown increasingly intolerant of this state of affairs – the muted media – as
rumors circulate about Santa’s excess drinking among other issues. Last year’s refusal to hire Jewish elves certainly didn’t help.”

Claus officials trying to quell the popular uprising have
actually worsened the situation. A source close to the North Pole toy factory
says “…officials are using outdated rhetoric – what has come to be known as the
“fragile system” argument. People just
don’t see capitalism as a fledgling system anymore. It doesn’ deserve protection. People are demanding more transparency on the part of the North Pole.”

Meanwhile the situation in Madrid shows no sign of abating. A group of protesters entered the Zoo to
demonstrate once and for all that the flying reindeer were a hoax. It is, as of yet, unknown if this is related
to the other charges of “reindeer doping”.

Numerous attempts to reach Santa for an interview failed,
but his press secretary says that Mr. Claus is sickened by what he sees as
“election year muck-raking” saying that politicians are using these trumped up
charges to deflect attention from actual political realities they are unwilling
to face.

In the international political arena, most leaders are reluctant to comment on the situation due to the timing of the charges and the sensitive nature of the Claus family. One exception is Hugo Chavez, President of Venezuela. Chavez, always willing to be controversial, described Claus as a “fascist” citing his oppressive treatment of the elves.

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