Uncategorized — By admin on October 2, 2007 at 12:00 am

El Chino De Plaza España

First, let’s start of with a language lesson–what does “Chino” mean in English?

If you answered, as a noun: “A Chinese person;” and as an adjective, “Chinese” you are only partly correct. In Spain, “Chino” has a few more important implications:

1) A convenience store: “Lo puedes comprar en el chino de la esquina” (you can buy it at the corner store).

2) A Chinese restaurant: “Quieres comer en algún chino?” (Wanna eat Chinese food?)

So, when you hear speaking about the famous “Chino De Plaza España;” literally “The Chinese Dude Of Spain Square,” be assured that they are not talking about an obscure Kung Fu film, a monument to the Madrid-Beijing Wars, or some avant-guarde performance artist who’s decided to make the plaza his stomping grounds.

Rather, they are talking about the best Chinese restaurant in Madrid.

You might as well start referring to the place as “El Chino De Plaza España” yourself. Sure, the place has got a proper name, but neither myself nor the multitudes of people I have just asked know what that is.

Even if you did know the real name, it wouldn’t help you–people would just look at you in confusion; however, just mention “El Chino De Plaza España” and you are likely to get an “Ahhh….oh that’s my favorite!”

And of course, it is one of my favorites as well; hence it’s placement on the LIST Of ALL LISTS here at MAP: Phil’s Favorites. As most of you know, there are only two requisites to get on this list: cheap and good.

Greasy, Small, Noisy, Cheap, Delicious, and full of Personality –El Chino De Plaza España is absolute heaven. Of special note are the Chinese music videos shown on the TV overhead. They´ll give you a menu, but just ignore that. Either order what the Chinese people next to you are eating (most likely not on the menu) or just follow my advice:

1) Signature Dish: Plate of Dumplings (Una ración de empanadillas)

2) The Ribs (Costillas)

3) The soup (La sopa) (there are various kinds – all good. They come in HUGE bowls).

4) I often ask for Beef With Green Pepper (Tenera Con Pimiento Verde) which is NOT on the menu; but if you insist, they´ll make it.

5) Rice – order your rice separately; it is not included as if often the case in Chinese restaurants in other countries.

Now, make sure you order enough food and drink to keep the staff happy. The place is VERY small, and they need to squeeze as much money out of your table as possible. One of the waitresses there has the habit of telling people, “Poca comida, eh” meaning, roughly translated: “You are ordering too little food you bunch of vanilla-faced cheapos. This ain’t no damn Spanish restaurant where you can order a tapa to share among six people while lingering for hours. Now order more food or get out.”

So just order more than you can handle, then take the rest home in a doggy bag (which they will be happy to provide).

Getting a table: Beat the long lines by going just before or after the Spanish lunch hour (Get their at 1:15PM or 4:00P and you will have no problem getting a table. Hit the place up during the Spanish lunch hour(s) and expect long lines akin to buying the new Harry Potter book.

And oh yeah–this is important. Though the restaurant is known as “El Chino De Plaza España,” it is not actually IN the plaza; rather, it is underneath it. Yup, it’s in the parking garage. To find it, just walk to the Gran Via metro entrance in front of StarBucks in Plaza España. Go across the crosswalk to the actual plaza. Keep walking in a straight line and magical steps down into the parking garage will appear before you. Lower yourself into the darkness and let your nose lead the way.